It is not easy to see your loved one's cognitive abilities decline. Dad has always been a vital force within the family. I would go to him and talk to him about anything. He taught me how to swim, play chess, and drive a car. I cannot imagine that my Dad can no longer drive his car and, at times, cannot remember my name. Mom has always been the one to keep the family bound together. I have always considered my Mom a strong, independent, and wise woman. I used to love her cooking. She would make the most delicious cakes and cookies. I cannot imagine she could not remember how to prepare a simple meal. She cannot remember speaking to me several times during the day.
Have you made these statements recently? “Let us wait and see what happens. It is not that bad. It is just old age. My loved one is not hurting anyone. They will be ok. I am not ready to deal with this just yet.” What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for that telephone call from the police to inform you that your loved one is lost in another borough or state? Are you waiting for that phone call to tell you that your loved one house is on fire? Are you waiting for a stranger to notice that your loved one is confused and follow them home or, even worse, take them to the ATM? Are you waiting for a call from a neighbor to report that your loved one is outdoors in their pajamas looking for their grandmother?
Just because you do not acknowledge an issue, it does not mean it is not present. It is not easy to see a loved one steadily losing their ability to function as usual. It is understood that addressing the problem will force you to deal with your thoughts, feelings, fears, and limitations. There will be decisions, choices, and lifestyle changes to consider. Do not wait for a crisis to make significant decisions impacting you and your loved one’s lives.
Acknowledge that there is a problem. This may mean meeting with all involved in the care and safety of your loved one. Include your loved one in the decision-making process. Be prepared for resistance from your loved one if they feel they can no longer set the rules, control their situation, or fear losing independence. Let them know there is a concern about their cognitive and safety status. Ask them to express what they are feeling or going through. Ask them if they notice any changes in their memory. Do they have any concerns or fears? How can you help them get through their day?
Schedule an appointment for your loved one to be seen by their doctor for a neurological workup so that your concerns can be confirmed with a diagnosis. Know that dementia is not always the cause of all cognitive deficient behaviors. Establish a Plan. What needs to happen to ensure your loved one is safe and able to enjoy life to its full potential? What needs to occur to ensure you can enjoy life to the fullest? Establish a reliable support system comprising your children, friends, and other family members and available community services.
Join us on September 19, 2024, at 7 pm for our monthly 45-minute caregivers support and information Zoom. Connect with a community of caregivers who understand what you're going through. You are not alone in this journey. Presenter Paula Rice, MBA. Senior Community Engagement Specialist Depts of Neurology, Epidemiology Sergievsky Center, Taub Institute for Research on Aging Brain. Prior caregiver for her mother. Visit the website www.comeoutreach.org and click on the event.
Diane Cooper
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